I wonder sometimes what I might be coming home to when I get out of prison. I am sure each and everyone of you in this audience has thought about the same thing. What's it going to be like when I get home.

I speculate in my mind all kinds of things that I would like to do, and see happen in my relationship between my mother and father. I would like to give them peace of mind and the comfort of knowing I have changed and will not be back in jail or in prison, and that I have left my old life behind. And show them the love and understanding that they have given me.

I also want to rebuild my relationship with my son, and be the father that I never was, to replace the lost years by giving him love, and the comfort of knowing that I will be there for him anytime he needs me.

I also want to rebuild the relationship I once had between my brothers and sister - to do things as a family again.

I want to rebuild my reputation and status within my community. To be a productive person and help others that may have the same problems as I did.

But in all reality, is this really going to happen the way I think or perceive it to be?

No! I don't think it is going to happen the way I speculate it to be. It will probably and more than likely be totally different from what I think. To start off with, my mom and dad aren't going to be real receptive of me. They are going to very doubtful of me, and they will probably lay down some rules and regulations that I will have to go by. And they will be watching me like a hawk.

Also, with my son its going to be difficult to rebuild that relationship as a father and son. He probably has given up on me ever being the dad that he has always wanted me to be. I know he has hurt in his heart towards me, and probably is wondering why my mother and father would let me come back.

If you really want to know the truth, they are probably making bets on how long it will be before I go back to drink or drugs.

So I really need to look at the reality of how my family and friends will act towards me, because I am the one that made them feel that way.

So, when you get home, and your mother and father or sisters and brothers and even your wife don't act or treat you the way they you think they should, don't get mad, just remember that they got locked up also - when you got locked up. Just show them love and understanding because they have been through a lot just as we have.

So I say to you, and to myself, whatever reason you are in here for, don't go back to that life. Go out there and be the father, son, and husband that you never were.

And I can say from experience that the more you hurt your family and loved one's, the harder it is for them to forgive you.

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